Fictional Cinema Snob Episodes/Zoom! into a Musical Mystery
Transcript * The Snob: Apparently back in 2003, PBS made a film based on one of their shows... and the plot is about a ghost causing terrorism in Boston. What fun. This could have been the 2003 version of Hillary's America! And of course, it has to be from... * (The Samuel Goldwyn Films logo plays) * The Snob: Of course. Samuel Goldwyn. The makers of Saving Christmas and Super Size Me...they always seem to put out bad films. * (The PBS Kids Movies "Doink! Button" logo appears) * The Snob: How ironic. The film opens with two kids f***ing killing each other with a button. The only thing to make this better is to have them explode. That would set the tone for the film! * (The WGBH logo appears) * The Snob: This film is also brought to us by an flashing Open sign from outside your local mom and pop convenience store. * (Cut to the film's version of the Zoom intro) * Zoomers: Come on and Zoom, come on and Zoom, come on and Zoom, come on and Zoom, come on and Zoom, Zoom, Zoom-a, ZOOM! * (Cut back to the Snob) * The Snob: Great, I now know what happens if you stuck Sega's 90's ads in a blender with Hi-Tops and The Buttercream Gang. * (Cut to the Zoomers exiting their TV studio, and then the opening credits) * The Snob: The Zoomers are a group of New England kids who make their own TV show in a studio in Boston, or rather an abandoned Walmart. As for the people involved well, here we f***ing go! The opening working-at-jobs-action is so good that the credits are trying to block it! Wait a minute, "Music by Voodoo Highway Music & Post Inc."? The f*** are they, the music version of how AAV Creative Unit wrote most of Godfrey Ho's movies and how Postmill Factory edited Saving Christmas? And I'm surprised Roger from Trick or Treat wrote this, the plot gets similar to that film, just wait and see. And this was literally produced by the guy who helped make those IMAX educational movies. The film was directed by Gerald Casale, who also co-directed Sagwa: The Movie, of which I previously reviewed... twice, and like I said in my solo review without me subbing for Doug, is a member of Devo. And this film does not Whip It Good! * (Cut to the Zoomers going back to the studio from Jean Perron's martial arts class) * The Snob: The Zoomers are going back to their studio after spending a day at the martial arts class of Jean Perron, because Marcel Baguette would be too obvious! Jean is played by high-wire artist Philippe Petit, better known for his high wire walk between the World Trade Center towers. Speaking of WTC... the ghost in this film is most definitely gonna do 9/11 all over again... with the power of rock! * (Bushwhacked stinger) * (Cut to Mike watching TV) * The Snob: Mike, one of the Zoomers, is watching TV when bad news happens! * TV Anchor: (overdubbed by the Will It Fit? host) On today's Will It Fit?, we're gonna be shoving the locomotives in the station's backyard model train layout up my a**, Film At 11! * (Cut back to the Snob) * The Snob: Hahaha-wait, what! Show me what he really said! * (Cut to the news anchor announcing) * TV Anchor: A tragedy for rock music fans everywhere... heavy metal rock singer Roger Kaboom was involved in a mysterious train crash... dead at age 40. * (Cut back to the Snob) * The Snob: The crash happened after Bert and Ernie's biplane collided in mid-air with Drexel "The Dream" Hemsley's plane, causing a huge explosion that struck the train with debris, causing it to crash into The Buttercream Gang's clubhouse. Told you 9/11 was about to f***ing happen again... * (Cut to Karen entering the room) * Karen: Hey guys! * Zoomers: Hi Karen! * (Cut back to the Snob) * The Snob: Awkward! * (Cut to Karen bringing the kids to DJ Lyndon) * The Snob: This possible pedophile brings our Zoomers to DJ Lyndon, played by ex-Bruins player Lyndon Byers, who in real-life is now a radio DJ in Boston, so Mike can mourn with Lyndon. But Lyndon has a surprise for Mike. * DJ Lyndon: Mike, I got a little something for ya. It's the last record. * (Cut back to the Snob) * The Snob: That's right, it's the last album from Dragon Sound! The synth work is fantastic-, wait, we're talking about Roger Kaboom's final record. Alright. Category:Episodes